Loving Unconditionally

My head is aching pretty badly. Can barely get myself off the bed. Too much depression and emotional heartbreaking matters involves. I’m in a real pain right now. Even the screen seems so fuzzy up through my eyes. Damn, I despise this pain a lot. I can’t barely think of anything, its just not performing as usual.

Had a massive argument with him last night. Disappointments in his present attitude as usual. But guess what, I gave him my forgiveness as usual. It just happened to be so general between me and him. I have nothing to say on that particular matter of concern.

He said he was sorry, he did those unintentionally and he loves me so. What more could I say? Though I know that unintentional behavior will actually take place again the day after, I just couldn’t refuse to give in him my forgiveness. What do we call this?

Foolish response from the bottom of the heart? Undoubtedly yeah, but the thing is right now, I am not able to stop forgiving, though I realize that most of the time, I am the one who are giving without taking. But I intend to have this bond knot to my heart. It’s my choice, if this is the price I have to pay for my dealings, so be it.

The physician had been urging me to lessen my excessive thinkings on matter allied to my emotions, yet I neglected those. I realize what would happen next, as I know that I might get myself lying on the ground without knowing it. If something ever happens to me due to my love chronicle and how skeptical it could possibly be in my life, I won’t regret those feelings either way. Cos, this love story I have, is valuable to me as well. It might not be my perfect road of Avalon as pretty described by those men’s through out the centuries. But it is an Avalon which I assemble from my own belief and reliance by heart, which means much more than a perfect gateway of the utopia.

Somewhere in me I truly hope, that one day he’ll never hurt me anymore like how commonly those happens to me right this very instant. That one day, he would realize how meaningful this love story is for the sake of a relationship that bonds the human’s destiny.

The Jealousy In Me

Sitting on my bed with the keyboards on my lap certainly promises you with a new scribbling of my day as usual. Its sunny outside. I prefer the rainy days much more better, as the atmosphere really serene and comforting.

The title can actually brings many images on what my heart got to articulate. But this surely got zero to do with my love story.

Speaking on modeling & acting. Being a center of attention, dimmed by the spotlights and networking of th showground is a definite dream of many girls out there. I might not say all of them, but being miss-so-popular is sometimes a accreditation as it uses much of an effort.

Well, . .

I by coincidence, saw a acquaintance of mine in an piece of writing of a newspaper column through kosmo online last night. I see that she really managed to get herself in that particular field of Malaysia modeling & acting showground. Well, she surely had diversed herself into a figure of attention. Wouldn’t be that decent girl who I used to know. Popularity changes personality, and I know that. We all know that basically well.

My dream?

Being beneath the spotlight is indeed one of my critical passions. Been keeping that in compassion for quite some times. Modeling & acting, for someone who is introvert like me will actually cause me a deal in a way or another. But who cares?? :D

But whatever pun, its nice seeing her, Zoey & Elfira herself to managed themselves fitfully well in the showground. Well done and a huge round of applause from me to all of u. :)

But I presume,

Its better well if I keep on dreaming and recalling myself on how much mama and him, despise this field so much. I couldn’t just disregard those sayings. After all, they are apart of me, and had been with me for quite some time.

Just cheer yourself up, Arissa!

Perhaps, this was not really meant for you. Better off next time.